JESSICA

PHOTO BY RANDY BACON

JESSICA’S STORY

I was working in a lot of bars and not making enough money to pay my rent so I ended up being homeless, but I didn’t want to live the life I was leading back home, so I moved out here. When I got here, I basically was stuck in the same position. I tried to get a job while living with my aunt and uncle, but they didn’t live close enough to anywhere where I could become employed, so I moved; long story short, via homelessness. And I’ve been stuck on the streets. I’ve gotten off the streets once or twice, only to end up back on them.

The hardest thing about getting off the streets is a mix between missing the people that I’ve met out here and keeping my mind set on “I can’t help everybody.” Like, I’ll go back out when I’m off the streets, and I’ll find the people that I used to hang out with and see if they need anything. A pack of cigarettes, a pair of shoes. And then other people will find me, and they’ll say, we need this, can you get us that, and next thing I know I have a hundred dollars’ worth of stuff that people need and I can’t afford it. And I’ll feel bad because I can’t help them. And it almost seems like favoritism but really it’s just who did I run into first. And it drains my finances to the point where I can’t pay rent anymore.

It’s a big heartache about being homeless. That and I have to hear stories about people that’ve gone through things similar to me. They’ve gotten into a place only to be raped and kicked back out. Or they got into a place and had to go running because something didn’t feel right and they trusted their instincts and left, so they lost their belongings. Or somebody burned down their tent and they lost baby pictures. Or they got thrown in jail, as my case was, and got out and had nothing. Nobody they knew, nothing of theirs. My tent was burned down to the ground and everybody had just left camp by the time I had got out of jail.

I want people to know that not everyone is as good as they seem, and not everyone is as bad as you think they can be. There’s good in people and there’s also bad in people. Like, I’ll help you to the fullest extent that I can. But if I suddenly realize that what I’m getting out of it is worse than nothing, and you’re taking advantage of me and other people, just to see how much you can get, I’m probably going to strike back. But that’s not even revenge. That’s just to show you that you can’t keep doing this to people. There are people who will hurt you intentionally just because they want to. It’s usually survival of the fittest or the strongest, and I’ve done things that I’m ashamed of. I’ve hurt people that I never should’ve. But it’s still the fact that they shouldn’t have done what they did to me in the first place. They never should’ve made it seem like they were looking for help when they really wanted to take advantage of my kindness.

There’s more to me than a picture or three paragraphs can say. Just ask me a question and I’ll tell you as much as I can remember at that time. If I could give someone advice on how to live life to the fullest, I’d say don’t make a bucket list. But look for things that excite you. Don’t make a list of things to do before you die. Because then you’re going to panic, “I only have three things left out of twenty, I can die soon!” Just come up with an idea and even if it’s something small. Do something fun. Find something every day that will make you smile, or make someone else smile. Enjoy something. Have fun.