WILLIAM

PHOTO BY RANDY BACON

WILLIAM’S STORY

You know, I was fixing to get married. My heart's gone. I guess she went her own way last year. I’ve been homeless since I was sixteen. I was doing stupid shit, you know. I had a good upbringing, I had great grandparents, a family that supported me. But it was just a teenage thing. I started smoking weed, and then after I started smoking weed, I started stealing and doing stupid shit. I ain't never had that element but when that element came I embraced it to the fullest. All I ever wanted was to be accepted by the homies, you know?

Growing up, my father would always drink, and he and my mom was always fightin’. That was a regularity in my house. I lived with fighting every day. I was a suicidal nine year old. But I took everything I went through and learned from it. I haven’t done the best though. I’m a horrible person, I really am. We all make mistakes, and I just try to do better for myself and those around me every day. The hardest part about homelessness for me is being alone. Being alone in my own battles, not having my other half. That's been the biggest blow to my world. Or seeing loved ones go their separate ways due to time and space. That's one of the worst things too, man...seeing other people hurt.

I just got out of prison not too long ago for something I didn't even do. And I ain't got no more years to give, people. I got my own fuckups, my own dramas, my own shit, my own things I'm not proud about myself. That's between me and God, you know? As far as anything else, I have a clean heart. But, I'm homeless because I'm at war. It feels like I'm at war. I'm an alcoholic. I love to smoke pot. For some reason that shit just makes everything right in my world. I don't even know why it's not legal yet. I'm homeless because I can't go home now. Even if I went home right now, shit would be so fucked up. I'd sit in my house, alone, and I'd be like, damn. You know? Shits not right.

I never chose to be this way. I'd rather be at home. I'm the house husband type. and I'm not married, you know what I mean? I want to be home. This isn't my choosing, but things need to be done. And there's a reason that I'm the way I am. My dreams?...I want a job, I want a family. And I want to go to work everyday and work my ass off. Provide for my family. And I want to come home, and know that I did something right. I remember back in the day when everything was… I mean shit wasn't normal, but it wasn't as critical, man. We have to have something to leave these kids. But over the past twenty years I seen a lot of things that ain't right. A lot of things that have to be changed. Because you have to have balance in this world. We have to change the world. We need to make shit right.

God takes care of me every day. I just listen to my guide. I listen to my heart. I listen to my soul. It tells me what to do, where to go. Sometimes it's difficult. I see everybody going through this struggle and I worry about them. I worry about them more than myself a lot of times, man. I want to have a voice, I want to have a family, I want my home. But I gotta work hard for that, you know? A lot of it has to do with what's going on in this world right now, and I try my best with what I know, with what I've learned and what I have. And, like I said, God takes care of me every day.