ELI

PHOTO BY RANDY BACON

ELI

“Having Anxiety is Hard”

I have had anxiety from a very young age. I was bullied in school because of my differences and crying fits. Kids ignored me in fear that if they said the wrong thing, I would burst out in tears and bundle up into a ball. I am a perfectionist and because of being gifted I am held to a standard of being good at everything and don’t make mistakes, but that’s not true. I make the same amount of mistakes as everyone else. The perfectionist inside me tells me that mistakes are not acceptable and I’m not good enough and that’s not true. I’m the way I am and I’m perfect that way. It may have taken me several years, but I understand that now.

Having anxiety is hard. Anxiety makes me so scared to even get close to trying new things, my experience with anxiety is every time I tried to do something, my brain shuts down and I think of all the negative and bad possibilities.

The problem with anxiety is in a bad situation your brain goes into full shutdown and you barely remember what happened. One time in first grade my teacher was working with some students and told all of us to not interrupt them. I needed help so I asked her if she could help me, she was mad that I interrupted her, so she stopped everything and put me in front of the class and told everyone what I did wrong. After that my anxiety and perfectionism rose to an all-time high, but therapy helps me so much to overcome that.

Anxiety is the hardest thing I’m dealing with because it stops me from trying new things in fear that I would get hurt or fail. If it’s hard to try something new start with something smaller and work your way up.