SHELBY

PHOTO BY RANDY BACON

SHELBY

“Reach Out”

I am a queer, non-binary Film student currently attending Stephens College in Columbia, MO. I grew up in a small conservative town with a very tightly knit community. I was around 12 years of age when I fully started to realize I was different from others and that difference was not a good thing within my community. I grew up in a very diet-heavy household. It was very early in my childhood that I began having an eating disorder, and a negative relationship with my body.

The first time I attempted suicide, I was 14 at the end of my freshman year. I had done so after expressing to my mother how I believed I was ill, and I needed to see a therapist or a doctor. Because of my upbringing, my mother was quick to brush off my mental illness as "Satan" or "Demons" due to me being in a relationship with a girl. At the time, I thought I would be stuck in my situation and that nothing would ever change. After attempting to take my life, I was kept in the mental hospital for a week, and diagnosed with insomnia, severe depression, and severe social and general anxiety.

High school continued to be difficult, and life at home also presented its own set of challenges. When I finished my sophomore year, I had just ended an unhealthy relationship and my relationship with my family was rapidly declining. Even though this was one of several attempts, this was the most severe as I had almost completed suicide. This seemed to shift a lot of things in my life, especially my family. It is what really made my parents, (at least my mother) open their eyes to how serious this was, and not only start to care more about what they were saying and doing and how it affected me, but how other factors in my life were affecting me. I started really focusing on making improvements for and living for myself.

Though my life has not been easy, and sometimes it seems like it will not get better, I continue to fight. Not only for myself and my future, but for the people around me and the love they have for me. Nothing has ever been perfect, but every day I get up and work hard for the life I want. Even if I'm struggling, I do what I can because things will continue to get better. Advice I want to give to anyone dealing with similar mental health issues - REACH OUT. Talk to someone, even if nothing happens right away; talking to someone can be the first step that helps you get to where you need to be.