CHERYL

PHOTO BY RANDY BACON

CHERYL

“Arms Open Wide”

Looking back, I wish I would have been more open, I wish there would have been someone I could have talked to and they would have believed me.

The physical abuse can be easy to recognize. For me, it was hard to realize that domestic abuse is so much more, and it can come in very quiet little packages over time and you don’t realize that it’s happening. It dosen’t have to be a blackeye, or a bruise, or a shove against the wall. I’ve never experienced that, so I have been blessed in that situation. But I don’t know that the words don’t have a longer impact because they can rattle around in your head for a long time. I had a hard time with the doubt that someone that I love and care about would try to control me, or that that person would be willing to hurt me, not in a physical way, but in a mental and emotional way. It was very foreign to me. And I didn’t recognize it.

When the person that you love and care about the most tells you, “If you would do this better, then it would be easier to love you”. I was told that I was too hard to love. It really makes you question yourself. Am I not a lovable person? Why? God loves me...and I love other people. Hearing that over and over really starts affecting your self esteem. I remember thinking that when this relationship is over I want some part of me to still exist. I need to know that some part of me is still inside somewhere.

I think communication is so important not only for a couple, but having a group of friends that will pray with you and listen to you, believe you, and tell you the truth. Looking back, it would have helped a lot to have that.

It’s important to teach my daughters what to look for when they are dating. I want people to understand that domestic violence comes in all shapes and forms and there is no human in the world that domestic violence can’t touch. Are we willing to look past the facade and get to know that person. It’s not just black and blue bruises. It’s money, it’s emotion, it’s control, it’s telling someone, “If you lost a little weight, I would love you more.”

Our community and our world needs to realize that violence doesn’t have to be a fist. Speak out. Being humble and saying, “It happened to me” is the strongest thing you can do for yourself. If the first person you tell doesn’t believe your story, you need to keep telling it. Find a better friend. There is a world of people with arms open wide ready to help you.