GERI

PHOTO BY RANDY BACON

GERI

“I Wouldn’t Wish This”

She was my last family member and now I am by myself. That has impacted me. I sure wish she was here now. My daughter Melissa was killed by her abusive ex-husband in 2009.

I kept some of her clothing because we were the same size. Whenever I wear it she comes to my mind. And I think to myself, I wish you were here so you could wear it.

Melissa’s ex-husband treated her very badly. He abused her verbally, physically, sexually. Any way you can abuse someone, he abused her. He had her so down. I couldn’t go to see her because I was afraid if he got mad at me he would abuse her. I would go months without seeing her. I would call but he would hang up on me. She bought a cell phone and she wanted me to be the primary so the bills would come to me and he couldn’t see what she was doing. She could call me going to and coming from work. One day she said “Mom, it’s best you don’t come up here to visit me.” Sometimes I would leave messages and it would be a month before I would hear back from her. When she would call, I would ask her “what’s going on?” She would always say “Nothing Mom. Everything is okay.”

I knew it wasn’t.

Anything that means something to the victim, the abuser will try to destroy because it controls them. They will hurt an animal they love. They will break things that mean something to them. They scare them.

He threatened the people she worked with, so she resigned. She said “I had to Mom, I knew eventually he would come down there and do something.” They are so scared and believe there is nothing they can do but just put up with it.

She told me once she would never tell me all the things he had done to her. The autopsy showed she was bruised from head to toe with “old and new contusions”. That’s how they listed it. She died of a subdural hematoma – blunt force to her head.

I remember one time she leaned over and there wasn’t a stitch of hair on the top of her head. She said he told someone she was the one that pulled it out. It was a lie. No woman pulls all the hair out of her head. She came to stay with me after that. They were already divorced by this time but he wouldn’t leave the house. He was living part time in the shed. One day I walked in and could tell she was talking to him on the phone. She said she had to go back. Melissa never got mad at me but when I questioned her that day she started yelling “YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND! I JUST HAVE TO GO!.” I know he must have threatened me that day to get her to go back. She went back and I couldn’t stop her. She didn’t live much longer after that.

The last time I saw her was my birthday. She wanted to take me to lunch but she didn’t have any money. He had bankrupted her. I didn’t realize how badly she was in debt until I started going through her things. I bought lunch that day. This was two months before her death.

She told me 3 or 4 days before her death that she was going to sell the house and the two of us were going back to Texas. She said “but the first thing I have to do is get him out of there!” That triggered him the wrong way. I heard her say it and I feel so guilty. Why didn’t I know that he was going to react to that comment the way he did?

He killed her and then committed suicide 4 or 5 days later. Put a gun to his head.

There was a bloodstain on the carpet of her home where she lost her life. The coroner said she had bled out. All I could see is that this was the place she took her last breath. It’s still very hard for me.

If I can prevent someone else going through this, I’m going to try.

If you think someone is being abused you need to talk to them, give them the number to Harmony House. I didn’t learn about Harmony House until after Melissa’s death. Her father had cards printed up with the Harmony House number. I still have some in my purse and when someone says they know someone who may be in a situation, I give them the card and tell them to try to get them to talk. It doesn’t mean you have to do anything other than just talk to them. You can’t force someone to leave, it’s their decision. All you can do is urge them to call someone who can help.

I hope that individuals can get out of whatever situation they are in so they can have a good life. I hope people can escape their abuser. I wouldn’t wish this pain on anyone.