Kim "Kindness Is Good For The Soul"
Photo by Randy Bacon
You don’t realize how much power is behind a hug until you are told you’re not allowed to hug anyone in a time of devastating news. My journey began at the beginning of the COVID Outbreak and the world had pretty much come to a stop. I have been having some pain in my chest since the beginning of 2020. I had been playing it off for a little while until I had found the lump, a little while later and credit Buddy Check Program from a local television network for being religious in getting the word out for monthly breast exams, I knew I needed to check it out. Me, have breast cancer?? No way. There was just too much going on, there was no way that this could be happening now. It was like overnight that school was closed and we lost the after school program for the kids, too. I was never wired to be a teacher, let alone one while working full time. My husband and I were essential workers and had to keep working. Thankfully, we had both sets of grandparents to help with the kids during the day. But the kids wanted routine and missed their friends and didn’t totally understand this new norm.
Then came time for the first doctor’s visit to see if I was just overthinking this or if my gut was right. The doctor agreed that we needed to schedule a mammogram. This was April 8th. Up to this time, my husband and I hadn’t said anything to our families. We didn’t want to alarm anyone if it didn’t turn out to be anything. There was already so much chaos around us with the Coronavirus, the last thing I wanted to do is bring more unknowns to the people I loved or make them sad. But at the back of my mind, I couldn’t keep the thoughts from going to “what if something awful is going to happen?” There are so many ranges of emotions that run through your head and you can’t get them to shut off.
Photo by Randy Bacon
There is no rule book for cancer. You think you know how you might handle it but then you completely throw everything out the window when you are told those words. Those words came exactly two weeks after my mammogram and two days after my breast biopsy. It was malignant and confirmed it was cancer. At this point, I had thought a million times, “what would I do if I heard those words?” I knew in my heart, no matter the size or situation that I had to get this out of me as soon as possible. I would never stop thinking and obsessing if we didn’t get it out. But like everything, you have to wait a few days until you can meet your doctor and find out the stage and type of cancer it is. So for four days, I thought day in and day out, “why me, what did I do wrong?” I’m too young for this and how do I tell my kids? They need their mom and I need them. I was a mess but didn’t want to scare them or my husband. I’m mom, the one who tries to keep our crazy, loving family together. So of course, I’m going to stay strong. But was I? To this day, I don’t know where I found the strength to go on and stay so positive.
I had my lumpectomy exactly a week after I was diagnosed. And I remember praying in the car on the way to the surgery, thanking God for that day and every day. I swore that I would never let cancer win. My results from the surgery were great in the aspect that the tumor was actually smaller than we had thought. The only setback was that my margins didn’t come back clear. I remember seeing my doctor’s face when he told me that I had to have a second surgery. He was so excited that it was smaller than expected and thought I would be happy too. I was but I was just in shock that I had to go back in for a second lumpectomy and started tearing up. I was mentally prepared to move to the next step of healing. But cancer has ways that it tries to take hold and destroy you. I told my husband throughout this journey to help me through the first days of the shocks and pains and then I will rise above it.
Photo by Randy Bacon
Fast forward to the end of my journey, radiation. I was fortunate enough to work every day and do treatments at the end of each day. It too, took a toll on my body and left me with awful chemical burns but I never tried to show the pain because I was a lucky one. I caught it early. Lucky to go through two surgeries and 20 rounds of radiation? I say yes. Only 5% of women my age will be diagnosed with breast cancer and most are diagnosed with more aggressive forms; they will endure more surgeries and chemo treatments than I did. I will now always be an advocate for annual mammograms and yearly wellness visits with your doctors. My scars show how hard I fought and I will never be ashamed of them.
The most important thing I learned during this journey is just to be kind. Kind in the way that just brings joy to someone else that might need that kind thought or gesture more than you will ever know. On my hardest days, I tried to make sure and do something nice for someone, because it made me feel better during that moment. Kindness is so good for the soul.
Photo by Randy Bacon
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