Tim D- "The Anchor Is Cut"
Story brought to you in partnership with our friends at Mercy’s MSU Care Clinic
Photo by Randy Bacon
I have been, I would call it, catastrophically depressed all my life. I did not know that’s what it was because I did not know anything different. I finally sought help and literally within five minutes, I was diagnosed and prescribed Zoloft and just that alone...I don’t know if you know what real depression is like. If you never come out of it, you don’t even know you were in it. I used to wonder, how is it that people design cars, architecture, and write up blueprints for buildings? I could not understand how any human being could have that much motivation and I was very impressed.
Now on this side it turns out having depression is like having an anchor attached to all of your emotions and it just bears you down. It's like there is a subcurrent of darkness and you don’t even know it's dark down there because you can still see until the anchor is cut. I am 49 years old, going on 50. No one human has had the impact that the person who diagnosed me has had in my life. That is not an overstatement. I don’t ever have moments where I wish I had never been born. I don’t ever, anymore, have moments where I think man if I could just get hit by a meteor and be done. That was my regular state of existence before. I sleep at night now. I go home and I go to sleep. I get tired and I go to sleep. I have a 4.0 grade point average right now and at the end of the semester it looks like I am going to maintain that.
When I wake up in the morning I don’t dread my day ever. I look forward to seeing my doctor. I’ve never looked forward to going to the doctor. I'm always like, “Oh crap I have to go to the doctor.” I like going to the doctor now. And it's not just my doctor, it's the whole crew too. Everyone is so kind and sweet. I'm just delighted to be taken care of and I’m so grateful for this new chapter in life.
“For many in our community, routine doctor visits and prescription medications are far too expensive to access. Every day, people are forced to choose between food and medication or delay treatment for health issues until they are life threatening due to an inability to pay. MSU and Mercy partnered together to break the cycle of poor health and offer hope for the uninsured in our community. The only clinic of its kind in Missouri, the MSU Care Clinic offers uninsured patients top-quality primary care and prescription medications completely free of charge. We know every story—every person—has tremendous value. That is why at MSU Care, we are proud to give compassionate care and exceptional service at no charge to those in the greatest need.”
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