Mahailya - Chapter 1: "Addiction"
Photography by Randy Bacon
I am 27-years-old and am a recovering drug addict.
I started using meth just for fun - after only one try, I found myself hooked. I thought I was immune from being an addict, that I would just try it one time. I never in a million years thought I was capable of what all I became, it's crazy to imagine
Because of my addiction my life fell completely apart! First, I got a divorce from a wonderful man who treated me like gold to go "party". We had a son, who was only 4-years-old at the time, but considering my condition, I sent him to live with his father.
Shortly after my divorce was final, I got married again. He was an addict and I was an addict. So, I started prostituting to support both of our drug addictions. We got evicted from our apartment and started living hotel to hotel - it was a horrible time of my life. Then I became pregnant again. We both knew we could not be good parents to the child so we decided to give her up for adoptIon. Though I used drugs through most of my pregnancy, thank God she was born a beautiful healthy baby girl. Giving her up for adoption was the most selfless, hardest thing I have ever done and it still haunts me to this very day. Only one week after we gave our baby up for adoption, my husband went to prison for the first time. His charges were domestic assault against me - he beat me five times during our addiction. Considering all of this, I just couldn't deal with anything anymore, so I ended up getting deeper and deeper into my addiction. To survive I even started stealing and got myself into more trouble.
Then the day arrived - my husband got out of prison and came back to me. I was hoping it would be a new start but he started using again because I still was. This was not "just for fun" drug taking, I mean we were heavy duty IV drug abusers. We made the decision to go on the run from our probation officers, but that didn't work - not long after I got arrested again.
They say hindsight is 20-20 vision, and now looking back I can see what a blessing it was - I THANK GOD EVERYDAY for getting arrested. Only a week in jail and I got the shocking news, I was pregnant again. They sent me to prison for a 120-day treatment program. Shortly after I got out, I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl - she is the light of my life.
Then it happened - my husband got out of prison. I still love him dearly but people call me crazy because I have faith he will see the same light I see in our amazing daughter and stay clean - to be a good dad and husband.
So where am I now? Well, I have been clean today, one year, eight months and 18 days. Today, one of my main goals is to be to be the best mother possible - my kids are everything to me. I have been fighting for custody for my son and just recently I got every other weekend back with him. It is a supervised visitation, but I am so excited and thankful. He is a beautiful boy!
Now recovering, I find I now have the biggest heart ever and I want to help people because I know from my personal experience a lot of people don't think they are worthy. I know we all are, and I want to use my experience to help those people see they have value. Yes, I have made so many mistakes, but I have learned from them and I am excited about living my new life and being all that I can be. There is hope.