BROOKLYN

PHOTO BY RANDY BACON

BROOKLYN’S STORY

My kids are nineteen and fifteen, my daughter is going to be a mother, I’m going to be a grandmother, I’m very excited about that. My son lives with his dad right now. I don’t have means of transportation to get around to see them, and I can’t see my son right now so I’m working on trying to figure that out. I’ve been homeless since February 2011. I was on Cali streets at the time, I moved there with my mom, stayed with her for about two months then, and then a couple of months later she kicked me out and then I lived on the streets. No shelter, no nothing. Then I came here because last year on my daughter’s eighteenth birthday she wanted to come back and graduate here and be with her brother and her dad. And it was hard for me to be away from my son for as long as I was and I was always trying to get back here, and then once my daughter was here, I missed her too, and I couldn’t take it, so I sold everything I had and I moved here. I’ve been in a couple of shelters here off and on but not very much.

I got here in May (2017) and I’ve been homeless here since then. It’s hard to be an attractive female out there, I get a lot of disrespect from the guys. I have my morals and I get a lot of “kicked out for not putting out”. It's hard for me to deal with. I have mental illness and it has honestly worsened that and I fight to even try to get into a doctor or get meds, and I’m still medically and mentally dealing with a rape that happened in January before I moved from Cali to here. And that has stayed with me only because I hit a floor, and I ingested fiberglass, and my piercings that I had, they busted, and so that’s why my face is the way it is. I deal with that, so..when guys here approach me and they wanna do this and that, I have a tendency to go off on them and it’s hard to deal with.

The hardest part of being homeless is not having the love and respect that you give everyone else. Not seeing my kids...being a shut out when people don’t even know me...they just see your bags, they don’t see who you...they don’t see the brains or anything. They don’t see that there’s so much behind some people. It’s hard out there and they don’t understand. But there are some that do, and it’s a blessing when you find em, it really is. I try to stay strong, and I pray, and I believe, and I know that there’s better out there, but I’m also scared of just what do I gotta be so strong for? Because to be honest with you, there’s only a couple things that are worth staying strong for...I am a strong person...I mean I have been through it...I’m forty years old and I have been through a lot and I can only imagine a couple of things that I have to be so strong for and I don’t want those things to come to me, you know? Like my kids going...I couldn’t deal with that, I have to go first.

My dream is to see my kids grow and succeed happily, and to have my own dance club, or do something with my photos. I love taking pictures of anything and having it say something. I want people to know that I’m honest, I always fight for the better, I don’t pity my life, I deal with it. It’s not you know the best, I’ve made bad choices but I want people to believe in what I say, you know? People need to give people chances, and really see who they are. I will keep fighting to survive. I want that respect though, I want people to see that I have brains, I have talents.

I know how it feels to be hurt, to be abused. And I’m there for people, and people are there for me. I think a lot more people need to be there for a lot of others too. I want my kids to live in a better world, and God knows this world needs a lot better. I just can’t do this anymore, I can’t keep doing this on my own. I can’t. And it’s hard for me to grasp but I have. I’m grasping that. And physically, I’m not healthy, I’m not well. I just can’t take it no more. I’ve been raped throughout my life starting at age seven, I can’t take that no more, and I don’t want it...I’m scared of out here, I fear it. I don’t deserve it, and I just want to be sheltered, I want to be in my own turtle shell, really. Because I need a better me. I need to better me, before I lose me.

Start loving and respecting one another, people. And honestly is just so important. Honesty is free, you know, and it’s just more rewarding than anything.

In loving memory of Brooklyn (Rhonda Bielby) who passed away very unexpectedly in 2021