JOHNNY

PHOTO BY RANDY BACON

JOHNNY’S STORY

I had a good mother, my real dad went to prison, my step-dad has been there for me. I was born in North County, San Diego. A place called Tri-City Hospital, lived out there until the age of five. Mom divorced my first dad, struggled and all as a kid. You know. We moved out to Coachella Valley. My mom remarried—to my step-dad. You know, gave us the best life they can. I learned how to call him dad. He deserved it. Still does to this day. I got two brothers and one sister. Just came out here to try and get my life together, you know. Maybe do something with it. Just be happy, maybe find me a nice girl. What I really need is a job and a place to stay. I came out here after I lost my mom. She bought my ticket before she passed, to come out. She goes, “what you gonna go out there for, mijo? Who’s out there?” I go, “nobody. I just need to find myself.” I’m sort of lost. She was my queen, you know?

Still struggling. Just, you know, with life itself. I know what I need to do but I just need to grow up and be that man, you know? It was the most painful thing I had to do. I stayed at my uncle’s house in Arizona, when they sent me away I was on the run. I just lost it. My mom got sick, and I stopped caring. She called back for me, and I took care of her for the rest of it. But it tore me up, to see her deteriorate. But I had God on my side the whole time and I just told him to strengthen me. Then my stepdad, we had to keep them separated, almost lost him too. He had a triple bypass. I used to tell my mom, used to sing that song by the Intruders, every day, I’d tell her like a hundred and fifty times I love her and I’m sorry for giving her a hard time. I’m the black sheep of the family. I been institutionalized most of my life. Just try to get some life skills you know? I struggled with drugs and all that. Right before my mom dies, she opened her eyes and mumbled “I love you”.

My dream is to be happy, really. That. And family. Man, that’s beautiful. To have your own kids, the woman you love. I want people to know that I’m a good dude, man. I’m just here trying to get it together. At first people tend to judge me. I used to get jumped and stuff out here a lot and fight. I used to put myself in situations like that. I don’t want to do that no more. I still have a problem drinking but I don’t want to drink that much. I know it’ll be alright. I’m just like, dang, it hits you in your mind, right? It’s really time to grow up. I got a lot of good friends, a bunch of people. That’s the thing I love about it. It wasn’t a coincidence. It’s the Bible Belt, why I came here. I used to come here back then, do drugs, transactions, guns, but I liked how the people are. I like to help people. I want to thank you for including me in this project, you know I feel like somebody now. It’s awesome. You’re really inspiring me. I hope to do what you guys do. I might start volunteering my time to help others that are stuggling, I used to do that before. But I get claustrophobic around people, you know, I need to get to know people. That’s about it. I love people and I love God.