ALEXIS

PHOTO BY RANDY BACON

ALEXIS

“Somebody Does Care”

It all started with a false rumor someone started about it me and then it spread like wildfire. Experiencing cyberbullying like I did made me feel very singled out and victimized, which is probably one of the worst things somebody could feel because it makes you feel like you’re not even a human anymore. It makes you feel like you don’t even care about anything or anybody, and that no one really cares about you. It just takes you to a whole other place that you thought you could never go to. When I was at my lowest low, it felt very, very dark. It felt like at one point everybody hated me, and I didn’t think anyone wanted to hear my side of the story. Still, I always saw a little bit of hope, even in the dark thoughts and dark places. Anytime I went through something really dark and depressing there was always just a little bit a hope because I knew I wasn’t the only one going through it. I knew that I was capable of speaking out and helping other people too. I knew that I needed to feel like I am one in the world that has a voice; even in the darkest of times when you really don’t feel like you have a voice at all.

When I was struggling in high school, I was feeling very defeated and very depressed. I felt very alone, degraded and dehumanized and victimized and I felt like I wasn’t good enough; like I did something wrong to hurt people that made them not like me. It felt like I was at rock bottom and I couldn’t do anything about it. When you feel like you’re never really going to get help, and that no one’s ever going to care at all, it just makes the depression so much worse. Eventually I felt like at one point, that I just didn’t care at all either.

It didn’t really come into the equation, ending my life; but it was a thought that passed my head. Everybody has one of those thoughts, like what if you did kill yourself, or what if you did harm yourself? I would say to somebody going through bullying like I did, depression or suicidal thoughts that they need to speak up and talk to somebody about it. Whether it be a counselor, a parent, or a friend, or just somebody that you know, you really need to speak up about it. When you feel all alone and very isolated and secluded from everybody, you have to find someone else to talk to about what you’re going through; somebody that can get your perspective and try to help you through it as much as they can. Once you find someone that can relate to you, you don’t feel alone anymore, and you don’t feel like nobody cares, because now you’ve found somebody that does care.

...Alexis reported being bullied to her school; that very morning, she found out that a classmate also being bullied had just completed suicide.