GOWER
PHOTO BY RANDY BACON
GOWER
“If We Work Together”
I left my career of 30 years to become a police officer at the age of 49. I felt like in some way, it was my turn to “give back” to the community where I was raised.
While working the streets, I quickly learned that the “domestic assault call” was probably one of the most frequent. It didn’t take me long to realize how difficult these situations were, I would leave with so many questions. Like after hearing two totally different stories from the abuser and the victim, did I arrest the right person? Will this victim be safe when the abuser gets out of jail and will the victim be assaulted again? Did I just make this relationship worse and more dangerous? Why won’t these battered victims cooperate with me and let me help them? When I left these calls...the feeling is hard to explain, but it was like frustrated, helpless or hopeless.
I began looking deeper into the world of abusive relationships and domestic assaults. This abusive behavior can leave deep emotional scars with the victim and can cause a host of long term health problems like depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, chronic pain and even heart disease. The mental abuse is nearly always there much before the physical or sexual abuse begins. I began to study about how abuse affects children and it was shocking. I learned that more than 15 million children in the United States live in homes with domestic violence. This is not only dangerous to them physically, but mentally as well. These children are at a greater risk for repeating the cycle as an adult by entering into an abusive relationship or becoming abusers themselves.
The effects of domestic violence do not stop at the front doors. It spills into communities, making the community more dangerous for the citizens. Abusers are dangerous people that will stop at nothing to keep the power and control over their spouses. This often occurs at their workplaces, at their children’s school, at a gas station, at a grocery store or other public places. Citizens are often injured trying to stop a violent assault that is occurring, usually between a male and a female. At times there are weapons involved and citizens are injured just by being at the wrong place at the wrong time.
Around 4 years ago I became a Detective in the Special Victim Unit (SVU). SVU works all the felony domestic assaults, adult sex crimes, stalking and harassments. I would say that most detectives would not like to work in SVU because of the difficulty of always hearing conflicting stories, the difficulty of keeping the victims cooperative and the difficulty of getting the abuser convicted. I felt like SVU was the perfect fit for me and I immediately liked having the challenge to talk to the abusers, usually at the jail in an interview room. Trying to get a confession from an abuser is exciting, but more than that, having the chance to talk to the abuser one on one and educating them on how they are abusing their spouse is very rewarding to me. I have the opportunity to explain to them what they have done to their spouses and their families. I know I can’t get them all to understand me and change their ways, but the way I look at it is at least I have a chance.
I now work at the Family Justice Center- a fairly new idea that is spreading across the United States. The purpose of a Family Justice Center is to serve survivors of domestic violence, sexual assault, stalking and human trafficking. It is made up of several onsite partners working collaboratively. I was doubtful at first if this was a good idea and all these agencies could work together. I soon found out that working together with all these agencies provided me with all the answers to the questions I had about domestic assault victims. Working at the FIC has helped me realize the when a police officer leaves a domestic assault call, the real work is only just beginning.
I know that ending domestic violence is not one person’s responsibility or within one family’s power, but rather it is up to all of us to create a community that is aware of the issue, that will no longer look the other way, and that will respond to the needs of our citizens. I am beginning to believe that if we work together, we can bring an end to domestic violence, by continuing to educate the citizens on the cause and effects that domestic violence has on our citizens and our community.