HOWARD
PHOTO BY RANDY BACON
HOWARD
“Don’t Lose Hope”
I’ve been an emergency physician for 20 years, and domestic abuse is something that brings people to the emergency department on a regular basis.
And I’ve dealt with domestic abuse personally too. When I was younger, in my early 20’s, my cousin and I were very close. She got married very young to a man who was abusive. My cousin knew that he was dangerous, and when she decided to leave he shot and killed her. It was a long time ago, but you don’t forget something like that.
In the ER a lot of time abuse situations are tricky- the story you are told is different that what may have actually happened- which means you kind of have to be on guard all the time. It is hard because sometimes they don’t want to tell you what happened, but if they are at the point where they want help, we have resources, such as social work getting them a safe place to stay. The frustrating part is knowing it is happening more and you are not detecting it – that is the frustrating part.
People need to know that abuse is a lot more widespread than you think. It is in every neighborhood and there are no socio economic boundaries. People don’t want to talk about it much, and people just don’t want to admit that it affects them. It is a problem everywhere and people need to be on the lookout for a subtle cry for help. We need to talk to people to see what we can do to help or support.
If you are someone who has resources, we can donate our time, or money to help the suffering. There are so many dynamics and factors when dealing with abuse...Do they want to make a move, or, get away from it? Do they have a place to stay? Safety for their children? Will they have food? These issues and concerns cause people to stay in situations that they shouldn’t stay in. It is not uncommon at all to have these conversations with patients. Typically, what happens is that it escalates, and the abusers do more and worse things...it sometimes ends in death.
You think about the children living in an abusive environment. What is a 5,6, or 8 year old child experiencing? When they see this on a regular basis. It is not surprising that people who are abused grow up to become abusers.
There is no easy or simple solution to abuse. There are things we can do to minimize it and to make sure people understand that there is help available, there is hope out there. Sometimes that is the best we can do for them, even if today they aren’t ready to make that decision, or they try to get help and then go back into the same situation, you know there is still a chance that down the road they are going to be able to put themselves into a better situation
MY HOPE is that people who are in these abusive situations DON’T LOSE HOPE, that there can be a better life and don’t accept that this is the norm, that they are stuck with enduring until they are seriously harmed or killed from abuse. I would encourage those who do have resources to get involved. This is, in many ways, a huge and also an invisible problem that ripples out and touches us all. If you could help, I certainly think it is a noble and worthy cause.