Anthony - Chapter 3 "An Awesome Son"

Photography by Randy Bacon

Intro:

Struggling with depression?  Suicidal thoughts? Anthony definitely has until he stopped listening to what everyone else thought he should do to be happy:

Looking back at my depression at its extreme, I sort of felt like I was being buried alive. It was a very slow and agonizing experience and honestly I felt so helpless. It was like trying to scream from 12 feet under, but each time I opened my mouth, more dirt would just be piled on top of me. I think what hurt me the most about it though was the fact that even though I was suffering with this, even though I screamed louder and louder, the world kept going. That's one of my biggest fears if I'm being completely honest - For my existence to mean absolutely nothing and for the world to not even remember my story...my history. Now I'm not saying that I don't suffer from my occasional episode of utter sadness, because I definitely do here and there. I decided to make my depression only ONE of my problems and not all 99 of them...I'm able to live my life how I want. My depression does not define who I am as a person and it shouldn't define anyone who has to deal with it. It doesn't matter where you've been. It's where you're going that makes life so worth living.

I'm not sure what it is, but the universe has been really good about making me feel happy with life. This summer has been one of the most exciting and heartbreaking of my life, and now I'm in such a good place. Things have been looking brighter and brighter. I'm so thankful that I've grown in a way that lets me learn from my hard times and really enjoy the good times too. I'm really excited for the coming months and where I'll end up.

I hope that God tells me in his own words, you did really awesome my son. You did it- you overcame so much of what life threw at you. I want to know that it was worth all the pain and that I came out on top."